Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Consequence Free Adultery?

I have a huge bone to pick.

Yesterday, while reading the latest TIME Magazine, I happened upon an article highlighting the latest trend in dating/ matchmaking sites. Wait for it....SITES THAT INTENTIONALLY FACILITATE EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS. Sites that overtly CAPITALIZE on troubled marriages and tantalizingly advertise that "...humans were not made to be monogamous" and "your secret is safe with us." They lure married men and women to their site promising to find them the perfect adulterous liason, even charging their clients' credit cards under a neutral, unsuspicious name. Adultery on the internet is not a new concept but, the brazen unapologetic nature of this new brand of internet cheating has me shocked to the core.

Thankfully, the tone of the TIME article was a condemning one. The author was nearly as incredulous and angry as I in his treatment of the topic. Upon reading about these sites, a strong, metallic taste filled my mouth and my stomach turned instantly queasy.

Marriage is hard enough without sites like these, falsely promising consequence free infidelity. The promise, however, is a false one. Adultery is never consequence free. Affairs are messy, explosive, volatile things that leave shards of glass and shrapnel everywhere. Just ask anyone who has cheated or been cheated on. Just ask the kids of the cheaters. Co-workers, friends, family, and neighbors also find themselves picking shrapnel out of their skin in the aftermath of an affair.

My husband and I have been in ministry for 15 years together the most painful things, besides death, that we have counseled people through is extra-marital affairs (both the online and flesh and blood kind). They are painful when exposed and painful when they are secret. There are always far reaching consequences and devastating casualties. And, the secret never lasts long.

While touting the amazing features of his site, the CEO of one of these companies was asked by the TIME reporter, "How would you feel if your wife used this site?" He answered, "I would be devastated."


  1. Amazing. This is why the Pope is calling for a reformed capitalism. When profit is king, ethics and morals go into the potty. :-(

  2. I heard an add on the radio for one of these sights too!!! absolutely terrible...

  3. How come marriage vows say until death do us until divorce do us part, or until affairs do us part....

  4. This is such a sore subject with me. After my divorce and before meeting the love of my life I met so many men who felt that we monogomy wasn't natural. I suggested to several that they say this on date one (or even before the date), because they'd see just how many women wouldn't be interested.

    And the women don't get off scott free; I know women who would love to sleep around, they've built up this idea that it'll be romantic and exciting. It won't, because
    there are always consequences.

    Great post!

    - Kimberly


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