This summer, I have been in a funk. Not every day, not every waking moment. But, I have consistently been feeling down. The thing about being in a funk is that Newton's law of inertia applies. You know, things that are in motion tend to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. So, the more funkified I feel, the easier it is to to continue spiraling down the ladder of funkedupness. When I'm wearing my funky glasses, everything looks dim. Every interaction seems intended to offend me. Every resentful thought I have feels justified. Alternately, guilt about my poor performance as a person/ Christian/ mother/ wife/ friend sets in. I descend down one more rung of the ladder.
No people, this is not PMS.
Why am I feeling down? Who knows. There are a host of reasons I'll not detail on my blog for the world to dissect. My point in disclosing this funk is that yesterday I realized I was the only one who could extract myself from it. Many of you are probably thinking, "Hmm, isn't God the only one that can actually help you here?" Technically, spiritual people, you are right. But, here's the problem. In my funkiness, I actually avoid God. I know, I know... a pastor's wife avoiding God? A pastor's wife not feeling spiritually fulfilled? Houston, we have a problem! Truth is, God is the only one that can save me from myself. But, if I'm intentionally removing myself from his presence to continue the charade of justification-of-my-bad-attitude, then there's not much He can do, given his gift of free will to humanity.
Soooo, my plan is this. Do nothing. Sit quietly and let Jesus love me. Basically, just stop. Apparently charging ahead alone is not really working for me. This is a lesson I have to learn over and over again. I know we're all in process, all at different mile markers in the race. Right now, I'm at the hydration station getting some fuel for the rest of the race.
Jodie, thanks for being real. Yeah, you're a pastor's wife and there are probably a ton of expectations others probably have for you, and if you're like me, that you have for yourself. I really love that our church is led by people who are seeking the Lord's will and who honest about who they are (even when it's not pretty or nice) all of the time. I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets into a funk every now and again. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean and my new favorite word is funkedupness. :) Thanks Jodie. It's nice to know someone else feels like that too sometimes, actually. I know God must know when I am in a funk and I'm just grateful there is grace.
ReplyDeleteUGH ... I SO get you.
ReplyDeleteSorry you're feeling this way.
Dear Jodie's Funk,
You don't have power over her. She is a strong, healthy, loved, blessed woman and can out-do your negative power. You're not as powerful as you think. Sorry to disappoint you.
From, Jodie's friend Lisa
Love you Jodie! Honor your feelings. xoxo
Jodie thank you for this honest post. Great advice.
ReplyDeleteHey Lisa, Insert your name where you put Jodie's because you are the same. Don't forget how strong you are my friend. :)
This might seem too light hearted for that heavy post, but I love the new layout of your blog!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are feeling off. I am in the same boat too. Tanner is waring me out and I finally said that out loud to Kipp last night in tears. Tan went to his babysitter today so I could get a break. I am so tired and that makes me feel like a bad mom. I love you so much. I think you are an amazing person and a mom that I look up too. I am praying for you. I miss you and I can't wait to see you in a few weeks.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I have been there. I hope this one passes quickly.
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister--I too have been in a "funk" as of late. Thanks for putting it so eloquently. God bless us everyone!! Can't wait to see you in person--soon now.
ReplyDelete